the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
