soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
