'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
