Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
