I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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