You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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