i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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