I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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