we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
