I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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