"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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