i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
