I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
