Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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