I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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