I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
