Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
