she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
