I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
