so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
