Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
