my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
