lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
