I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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