I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
