my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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