i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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