she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
