I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
