Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
well you can't waste a boner
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
foreskin is a definite game changer
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
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