i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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