I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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