This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
