my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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