Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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