I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you will always have a special place in my vag
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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