I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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