I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
