well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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