So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Four minutes until I can fart!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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