ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
