I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
