I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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