How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
