Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
