You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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