We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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