does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
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