You're my little dorito
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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