If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
