no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
