Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Liz is crying about burritos again.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
