There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
