Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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