How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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