marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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