for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
